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Review: Duke Nukem Forever

After 15 years in production, Duke Nukem Forever seemed like a hallucinogenic oasis caused by dehydration. Assuming, of course, that we lived in an ulterior universe where we supplement chauvinistic debauchery for water. Whether or not you’ve been following this game closely throughout 15 years of trial and tribulation, Duke Nukem Forever has finally arrived in tangible form. The real question we’re getting at here is, “Do you want to get your hands on it?” or was this game better off as a mirage, where the teasing of its existence was enough to give you a rise. 

What’s working:

First off, let’s talk about the few positive things this game has to offer. Duke Nukem Forever is absurd, over-the-top, and incredibly offensive, but what Duke Nukem Forever does best is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. The story isn’t dramatic, or morally heavy; it has a light-hearted, comical overtone that works well for what is being offered here.

For those of you who played Duke Nukem when it was on the cusp of cutting-edge video game offerings, you might benefit from some moments of nostalgia, but those moments will be short lived…     

What’s not working: 

In past installments you could make a case that Duke Nukem’s candor was admirable, but Duke Nukem Forever can come off as completely tasteless, and I’m not the sensitive type. You will find yourself doing things like removing feces from a toilet to increase your “ego,” which acts like a rechargeable shield you’d find in Halo. Duke Nukem has often been about protecting the women of Earth from alien abductors, thus creating this balance between chauvinism and chivalry, excusing a lot of the misogynist banter, but Duke Nukem Forever ultimately comes off as degrading to women. Duke Nukem lacks some of the endearing qualities of past games, and instead comes off as a total schmuck.  

Besides all of the character flaws this game possesses, there is still the gameplay itself to talk about, which is equally as disappointing. The shooting feels weak, so the only way you’ll actualize that badass you’re supposed to embody is by paying attention to Duke’s sexist one-liners. Unfortunately, the A.I. is a letdown as well. Enemies fight with total disregard for cover, or even movement for that matter. You spend most of your time trudging through the campaign shooting at lifeless targets and struggling to conserve limited ammunition.

Graphically, Duke Nukem Forever isn’t up to par with contemporary shooters. It’s apparent that recycled content throughout 15 years of production show their age in this one. The game has its moments where certain set pieces look nice, but a closer look always exposes poor texture quality and lackluster lighting. In an age where dynamic lighting and shadows are standard, Duke Nukem Forever fails to deliver. The game doesn’t look horrible, but every aspect of the visuals are below average.

As far as sound is concerned, I have little to no complaints. Weapons sound distinguished, and most of the sounds within Duke Nukem Forever seem natural. The game does get a little quiet at times, but nothing that’s really going to take away from the core game experience.    

In regards to the multiplayer, expect a barebones experience that is on-par with the offerings on original Xbox Live. You have some standard modes, but the multiplayer is inevitably irrelevant due to the lack of people playing this game online, and the lack of an enjoyable competitive experience.  

Final thoughts:

Duke Nukem Forever might be the worst game you play this year, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play it. This game is nostalgic and almost immortalized due to its niche in gaming history. If you are curious enough to see the finished product of 15 years in the making, then give this game a rent, have a few laughs, and ease your curiosity. The game may be crude, but it leans more on the humorous side than anything due to how uninspiringly Neanderthal-ish the content is. I’m sure some people could play this game and be disgusted, but if you know what you’re getting yourself into, it might be worth a play through just to be able to say, “I played Duke Nukem Forever.”       

Ultimately, this game is a total disappointment for video game fans. What was once one of the greatest franchises in video game history now exists as a sacrilegious stain on the name of Duke Nukem. Every part of me wanted Duke Nukem Forever to justify its 15 year production, but unfortunately this one probably should have been scrapped. If the fact that this game has some sort of historical significance attracts you, give this game a rent, or buy it as a collector’s item, and keep it wrapped. Just don’t buy this game looking for the next great first person shooter, unfortunately you won’t find it with Duke Nukem Forever.