SpawnPoint - Where Game Begins

naHow to be An Annoying Crass Player in MMORPG's

Oh this is just bad form.. but you know there are people out there that do this. Heck, I know that someone reading this article is going to take atleast ONE of these ideas.. and do it tonight in their 7 hour slave-stretch of WoW.

1. Ignore the Cable Modem. Pull out ye ol' 56K dial-up connection. Join game. Watch people stutter to a stop and then ask 'Why?'. Disconnect long enough for your party to breath a sigh of relief. Reconnect. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

2. Annoy people by asking to trade equipment. You have a spare +1 dagger of cockiness? Bug people to trade in their +32 Holy Sword of Faith for it. Continue until they sink the sword deep in your chest and then say "It's in me now - posession is 90% the law!"

3. Wait for people to come out of the equipment shops and taverns - ask them as soon as they come out "Where is the bathroom?"

4. Pretend you are playing another game. In the middle of World of Warcraft? Pretend you are playing the Matrix Online and you are NEO. Walk around shouting that "The World is Not Reality", "I am NOT THE ONE!", "I want to mate with an androgynous female hacker!". Pretend to shoot people with your sword.
5. Freeze tag is always fun and popular - people love it.. in real life. When you are 5. At your elementary school. Run up to people, close enough to touch them and screen "YOUR FROZEN!". Run to next player. Repeat until they kill you. Right before you die scream "YOUR IT!"

6. Tell EVERYONE about your sex life. How awesome it is. Share with them the regular twice daily excercise routine you have with your really hot girlfriend and how her extra DD breasts really make it all so real. When they strip you and beat you senseless and leave you for the goblins, make sure you let them know that you know that they are "just jealous".

7. Upon respawning, start complaining about the LACK of sex in your life. Hit on everything and everyone. That 14' tall Treeant would be perfect for you. The 4' tall male dwarf with a 3 foot beard would make an excellent husband. If a same-sex character kills you, scream "GAY BASHING". If a opposite-sex kills you scream "I am SO into this!"

8. Join an adventuring party. As soon as you begin a battle against a healthy group of NPC monsters, change sides. Tell them you don't believe in unfair battles. Kill as many PC's as possible before you die.

9. Play the opposite character class. Big bad warrior? Pretend you are a sneaky theif (and fail all of your dexterity rolls). Cleric? Pretend you are a bad-a$$ mage with uber fireballs of deathly power. When you cast your spell and nothing happens, scream out at the system administrators "YOUR GAME SUCKS! WHY CAN'T I CAST MAGIC MISSILES!"

10. The world is a diverse place - pretend you are from a foreign country such as 'Banglehook in Central Africa'. Or perhaps you are part of the Polynesian Island nation of 'Migahoold'. Then go to BABELFISH and pick random languages to translate and paste into the game.

... My favorite but not included this round.. Offer to be the host, but then spend 45 minutes debating which map to play before you start the game. Once you connect, tell them that your mom wants you to eat dinner and your dad needs to use the 'internet'. Drop the server.

Shane Robinett - aka Weaver - can be found online at http://weaver.spawnpoint.com