How did you Know???

[teh-pwnzer]

I mean how did you know to say "yes" to that proposal?...afterall, it should mean for the rest of your life. You can't possibly be thinking I'll say yes now and if it doesn't work iout, then it's ok, there's always divorce.

Shouldn'
t you be the happiest person alive when it happens? Ahouldn't you be jumping up and down with tears in your eyes saying yes of course? or does that just happen in moviees


Well what if you don't. What if you're so shocked and confused that you just don't.

Oh yeah plesae post if you have something valid to contirbuet...Slayer, I';m not in the mood for any wisecracks...I'm serious

[Nikki]

Let me start by telling you - I have been married twice. The first time should NEVER have happened. I was running away from a bad home situation and got myself into a bad marriage situation. The only good thing that came from my first marriage was my wonderful son.

Now - with that out of the way - I have been in love with two people in my life (the person mentioned above not included). I am now married to one of them. If I had ended up married to the other one, I think we would have had a very happy life together (and I would have avoided husband #1 altogether ). We are still very good friends almost 2 decades after our relationship ended.

So, how do you know to answer "yes"? I think your heart knows. I know when John proposed to me, the actual proposal was a surprise - when, where, etc. - but I knew it was coming at some point. I was at that moment the happiest girl in the world, crying, etc. - just like in the movies.

Yes, marriage is supposed to be forever. You shouldn't be thinking "well, I'll try it and see how it goes". You should not be thinking about divorce at the moment you are being proposed to. If you react with shock and confusion, then I would venture to say that you are not ready to consider marriage. Don't say yes just to make him happy. Neither of you will be in the end. This is a HUGE, life-changing decision.

[dwinx]

Getting a puppy is a life-changing decision. Getting married is a universe altering experience.

With the divorice rate being what it is in the US, you certainly can never know for sure that a marriage will last forever. If anyone has serious doubts from day one, then taking some more time would be the prudent course. My proposal garnered tears and I would have been crushed if it hadn't.

[teh-pwnzer]

I'll try and make this one more literate than my thread starter!...sorry.

The thing that upset me is that I had no idea. I should have, although nothing was ever spoken, ever, about marriage. It came out of left field. I feel really awful about it, because my reaction hurt someone. But then again, I feel hurt because of the "obliviousness" (is that even a word?lol) of the situation.

Today I have to deal with this. Two of my best friends think I have a commitment problem (previous relationship ended after 3 years because of something similar). I don't think I do. I just think it's a very serious decision and if I have any doubt whatsoever, then it wouldn't be right. There are so many things that I need to do for me before I say yes also.

I'm just in such a weird place right now...my head is spinning. I know what my decision is but I feel so bad about it. It's also going to be very awkward because we work together. I'll have to deal with that aspect of it on Tuesday.

P.S. Thanks Nikki and Dwinx...I needed that feedback!

[XTR3M3]

My opinion is the marriage proposal should not feel like it came "out of left" field. If one of the partners feels like that, the proposal was way too premature. I was always taught that your parterner should always know how you feel. Bad communication causes sooooo many problems. You should not feel bad about saying "No" to anything you aren't sure about or don't want to do....especially marriage. If you have doubts, there is probably a good reason.

[HitMan]

there is almost nothing in our world that is absolute, i have been married 2 times so far lol (always looking for my future ex-wife ok) and the marriage i am currently in is wonderful and everything i hoped marriage should and would be. the first marriage i was young dumb and should have been thought through much more then i did. as a result it ended with 2 people hating each other because they were never on the same page in there feelings, life and all things a relationship should include.

my proposal can from left field because i told my wife i would never get married again after what happened with the first marriage i was in but after a few life altering changes that had been made towards and for each of us it was the only option in the world to me. keeping her forever by my side was all i could think about, i just didn't let her in on my secret lol. i always knew she wanted to be my wife and it just had to sink in to me that it was not only the right thing to do but the only thing to do if i wanted to be happy for the rest of my life was to include her in it and make her happy for the rest of her life.
if your unsure then let him know this because the things posted here are all good advice as you don't want to find out later you made the decision for someone else not your own true feelings.

not all choices are easy and filled with joy, some are filled with remorse and sadness. to me it sounds like you have your mind made up as to whether you want to say yes or no. if its from your heart then say it to the world.

[Guns]

awwww i love u too honey......

I knew from day 1 i would marry the man i am married too i went home and told my mom i would be married to him some day..haha..

U just know in ur heart its right...if there is ever doubt then the answer is no...it is scary and u do think what if...but if ur in it together u can honestly go threw anything together and know everything will be alright in the end.Its so hard to explain love..u just know u do..its every emotion raped into one...its everything u can amagin and everything u could never amagin...Ive never doubted if i was ready i never doubted if i loved him enough and ive never doubted if hes loved me enough..
Doubt is ur way of knowing it just isnt right..for whatever the situation

[dwinx]

Originally Posted by Guns

its every emotion raped into one...

::cringe::

[teh-pwnzer]

Decision done...I guess I knew all along. Got together today and had a very nice discussion. We will remain friends, but, with the realization of how 'serious' this is for him, we will not be together anymore. He said I can have all the time in the world, but I just don't feel right continuing this realtionship, especially when we are in two different stages...or better yet, since I cannot offer what he wants. I do feel much better though.

Thank you all sooo much for sharing such valuable insight. It all helped me identify what I knew all along. I just wish I didn't freak out like I did...it really was a shock.

[norm-from-cheers]

My girlfriend and I are at a similar stage in our relationship, when we are both pretty close to diving into marriage.

Now I haven't been married before, so perhaps my advice ain't so hot, but it really feels important to have talks about marriage with your partner. Being able to communicate is so important to a longterm relationship and this is certainly no exception.

But... thanks maybe to hollywood, romance novels, etc., I think men feel a lot of pressure to surprise their partner with some sort of romantic spontaneity -- as if being surprised by a wedding proposal is a good thing.

This isn't like getting a girl a bouquet of flowers; this is her life! You don't have to tell them when the proposal is coming, but at least be able to sit down and talk about where you see yourselves in 5 or 10 years from now.

[sir-understeer]

Exactly, when I proposed to Krystal, she was hoping that I would propose to her soon, because we've been together for about 5 years at the time, and I felt that it was the right time to move forward, seeing as I was out of college and all that jazz.

When and how I did it, was a surprise to her, and to myself as well. It was definitely spontaneous, but at the same time, it made sense.

We are both of the notion that, you don't get married to get divorced. That is dumb. You get married to spend your lives together, for as long as the both of you shall live. The things the priest says as the vows, those aren't just for dramatic effects. What he says is true. If you don't think it is, then marriage isn't right for you.

Honestly, if you didn't feel right, you shouldn't be pressured into say yes! Kinda like having sex. If you aren't ready, the guy shouldn't pressure you into it. As a matter of fact, when it comes to sex, the guy can be arrested for that!

So honestly, don't feel bad that you turned your guy down Pwnzer.

Marriage is a 2-way street, if it wasn't, then either there's gonna be a head-on collision, or the person is traveling down a 1-way lane by his or herself.

[SaPpHiRe]

You should only ever get married when you know you're both ready for it. If you have doubts, it's best to wait until you have a clear mind and understanding of what you are getting yourself into.
Agreeing to a proposal, doesn't make it set to stone... However, talking to your partner openly about your fears and concerns is the only way to know if it's meant to be. If both parties are ready to be committed to eachother, and are able to talk about their feelings without holding back, or starting a war, then I say Yay. There is never a rush to get married. IF you're gonna be together forever, then take the time you need. It's not like you're going anywheres

[Cranix]

And always remember to be honest with yourself! Talking yourself into things because it feels like the "right thing to do" or you dont want to hurt someone only ends up hurting you both. But you sound like you've got things going back to normal, so best of luck pwnzer