Is there any hope for me?

[SS-Midnight]

I am 32 and single (divorced). My ex used me to father HER a child then ditched me. (she diched me by forcing me to leave in order to save my son mental anguish, more on that later if you really want to know.) She does everything in her power to try to keep me from seeing my son.

I went though 2 rebound relationships before I gave up.
The first was perfect accept for one thing. She had only one desire. Sex. That was it. You might think 'wow you got lucky' but sex is not my #1 priority in a relationship. It is important yes, but it does not come first. She was a dancer at her college and about as hot as a girl can look, but she was only interested in sex. I am not that kind of guy. I like sex as much as the next guy, but I know what is really important and sex is not it.
The second was perfect accept Her number 1 priority was money. I did'nt have enough of it. So she stomped on my heart when I set it before her.

My personal view on relationships is rather jaded because of this. I have spent the last 8 years doing my best to avoid the posibility of getting into a relationship. I am flirty on the internet because I know nothing can come of it, and I am always one button away from 'ejection'. I do believe that I can find a good girl. I believe in love at first sight, true love, and that there are more than one woman out there that can fulfill all of the above.

Yet I do everything I can to stay away from them. Why?

I fear.

I fear it will happen again. The most perfect woman CAN do exactly what has happened to me before. I don't think I can take that again. I still love my evil ex wife. I would never have married her if I was not 100% dedicated to her. I have sine our divorce come to understand that she has a mental illness that makes her do the things she does/did. Because of that I can not hate her. That just makes it all worse.

If you saw the winning lottery ticket on the other side of a window and there were many holes through which you could reach and and take that ticket would you try?
If the first time you did it you found it was the wrong hole and a ferret bit off your pinky finger would you try again using a diferent hole?

I tried 3 times. I do not have many fingers left. I am afraid to reach in again.



Is there any hope for me?

[edge]

Of course theres hope.. there always is. Dont let it get you down, pick yourself up and go out and find someone that you really deserve, everyone has someone out there, but when you next meet someone dont get to attatched, get to know them a lot more, make sure before you become to emotionally attatched that they are the one for you and wont do as the others did.

You should reach in and give it one last chance before you truly give up, lifes to short to be worrying. only you can make a difference.

[mackpeterxd]

as mackpeterxd, Aka nanashi, aka N, i sayyyyyyyyyyyy .... Yes, you just gotta wait, and chill it out bro =], theres love for everyone..... so you gotta buck up, and smile!( these are the words, of a 15 yr. old boy in love =])

[Ducky]

I think there's hope where there's desire, if you believe that there is still hope, then there will be. If you want it badly enough, then that would be your drive to motivate you to make it happen.

If you think it's useless, and that nothing will come of it, then you will stop trying and your fears will come to fruition. Hope is in the eye of the beholder.

For me, I'm only 19 and I've already given up, lol. It's not that it's something I don't want, it's just that I've come to the point where I don't really care enough to pursue it. I've learned to enjoy my own company, and I suppose that's good enough for me.

Relationships carry with them a social stigma, everyone tries to find that fairytale romance and live happily ever after, because they think that's what is expected of them. But maybe not everyone is meant to be with someone, maybe some people are better off without?
But I digress...

Anyway, I believe where there's a will, there's a way.

[teh-pwnzer]

Hi Midnight,

Never, ever give up hope. There has to be hope. It may not happen right away or when you expect it to...but with hope and as Ducky said, with desire...it CAN happen.

I know the worst part of it is the fear...been there, done that...still let it get to me. It's your job to recognize that fear for what it is and what it means and do something about it....or else it will navigate what you do for the rest of your life. That is the hardest thing in the world to do.

[ANTICHRIST]

ya man like pwnseer and mackpeter just keep ur head up bro i mean 32 is still young i mean im only 16 and stuff but i got hurt really bad i thought i loved my ex but she didnt feel the same wich just hursts me

[Nikki]

Midnight,

You are the one who determines whether there is hope or not. The hope has to reside within your heart. I understand you have been hurt, but in order to meet someone and have the possibility of a loving, romantic relationship, you will have to make your bruised heart vulnerable. I know this will not be easy, and maybe you are still not ready for that step. Give yourself a chance to be happy and find someone who will love you for the person you are.

Good luck!!

[SS-Midnight]

Originally Posted by edge

...when you next meet someone dont get to attatched, get to know them a lot more, make sure before you become to emotionally attatched that they are the one for you and wont do as the others did.

You should reach in and give it one last chance before you truly give up, lifes to short to be worrying. only you can make a difference.

That is one of my weaknesses. I tend to become very attached very quickly. I am a very empathetic person and can usually tell when someone likes me in that way. If I like them back it is usually a lot. And by then too late.

As for reaching in one last time...one last chance.... That's a very big gamble....and part of my fear.

Originally Posted by Ducky

I think there's hope where there's desire, if you believe that there is still hope, then there will be.

Originally Posted by Ducky

For me, I'm only 19 and I've already given up, lol.

Um...

Originally Posted by teh-pwnzer

Hi Midnight,

Never, ever give up hope. There has to be hope. It may not happen right away or when you expect it to...but with hope and as Ducky said, with desire...it CAN happen.

I know the worst part of it is the fear...been there, done that...still let it get to me. It's your job to recognize that fear for what it is and what it means and do something about it....or else it will navigate what you do for the rest of your life. That is the hardest thing in the world to do.

This brings me to pause in pondering. Thank you. I'm still skeerd though. But maybe I will be brave again. The "or else it will navigate what you do for the rest of your life" really hits home.

Originally Posted by Nikki

Midnight,

You are the one who determines whether there is hope or not. The hope has to reside within your heart. I understand you have been hurt, but in order to meet someone and have the possibility of a loving, romantic relationship, you will have to make your bruised heart vulnerable. I know this will not be easy, and maybe you are still not ready for that step. Give yourself a chance to be happy and find someone who will love you for the person you are.

Good luck!!

I really did use the wrong phrase in titling this thread. I really do have hope. I should have titled it "I'm skeerd" as that is what the issue really is. Your statement of "Give yourself a chance to be happy and find someone who will love you for the person you are." is a very good one. the part about "you will have to make your bruised heart vulnerable" is what really terrifies me. Really.


Maybe some day soon I will go out there and face what I fear. Woman. heh. That sounds silly.

[weaver]

Try men instead. We are easier to deal with...

hehe

Great. Now people will think I am gay..again.

[SS-Midnight]

Originally Posted by weaver

Try men instead. We are easier to deal with...

hehe

Great. Now people will think I am gay..again.

You are my age....Hmmmm.....what's your number?

[weaver]

407.701.89xx

[L-veotz]

awwwwwwwwww so cute! be careful though, midnight...weaver gets around :P

[unholy]

Originally Posted by L-veotz

awwwwwwwwww so cute! be careful though, midnight...weaver gets around :P

And to add, i Think Weaver's #1 desire is like ur first relationship(not counting your ex-wife). lol jk.
Dont give up, you'll find someone that will be perfect for you.