random facts about chuck norris

[odie]

If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but atleast you get to see Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are treademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see chuck norris , he can see you. If you can't see chuck norris you may be only seconds away from death

chuck norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As oswald shot, chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat caner. chuck norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

chuck norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalledled martial arts ability. Shrotly after the transaction was finalized, chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his sould back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second wednesday of the month

A blind man once stepped on chuck norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man's blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

When the boogeyman goest to sleep every night he checks his closet for chuck norris.

chuck norris does not hunt because the word hunting inferst the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to chuck norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

when chuck norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. chuck norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

the quickest way to a man's heart is with chuck norris's fist.

chuck norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress

heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but chuck norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

someone once tried to tell chuck norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. this has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

[b][size=1]chuck norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck woo. He then shouted, " HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years a

[Deuses]

rofl

[StarLog]

Put your shirt back on.!!!!

[Sinister]

I've seen a lot of these random facts. Freakin hilarious! BOOYA!

[Exce--ence]

..interesting

[odie]

u realize that when u just said " BOOYA" that i just creamed my pants

[GhettoSmoke]

honestly i think steven seagal would clown chuck norris.

[Sinister]

ORIGINAL: odie

u realize that when u just said " BOOYA" that i just creamed my pants

Happens to me all the time...

[ShutUpHoe]

Steven Seagal blows man :S most of his movie are boring as hell, only good for people not working getting a chek every month

[odie]

steven segal is merely a women in mans clothing. Must i rip off many shirts to show u my harry chest, i dont think your feble mind can handle it, there for your head will explode out of sheare amazment

[PaSte]

Chuck Norris stands to pee, while Stevan Segal sits.

[Shinogana]

Cartoon Network has been showing the 1986 cartoon Karate Kommandos some lately ( like early morning during the week, and once on Saturday night during "Adult Swim") Chuck never looked better, and he kicks Super Ninja's and the Claw's asses every time.

[ScareKrow]

ORIGINAL: [PHXX]ShutUpHoe

Steven Seagal blows man :S most of his movie are boring as hell, only good for people not working getting a chek every month

I'll second that, only good film ive seen with him in is Under Seige - number 2 was crap.

My friend on msn wouldnt shut up about Chuck Norris, had to block him [8D]

[sQuiRreL]

hah those facts are pretty random. pretty funny too

[XTR3M3]

Hmmm....who is a better actor....Norris or Seagal....I think it is just a race for the basement...I have to admit that I like to watch Walker Texas Ranger from time to time though. Seagal's best movie was one where he wasn't even the primary star...Executive Decision...because he didn't pull out his typical super-hero cape and live. I did like some of the dialog in Hard to Kill......"Vernan! oh Vernan! Where are you Vernan?"..."You won't remain anal-retentive for long"....I am tired of him always being "the master that you can leave at the artic circle in his underwear and see him with a million dollars tomorrow in CanCun that teaches all the military that is the professor.....blah, blah, blah"...another one of his 3 word title movies is gonna bore us to death. I like Chuck but I don't think he ever recovered from the beating Bruce gave him in Return of the Dragon, lol...yo! Adrian!

"X"

[The-Joker]

ORIGINAL: [PHXX]ShutUpHoe

Steven Seagal blows man :S most of his movie are boring as hell, only good for people not w