[ProdigalSon]

OK, I had no idea who Jack was, so I searched and found this.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

It's official, chuck sucks, jack is back.