I am 32 and single (divorced). My ex used me to father HER a child then ditched me. (she diched me by forcing me to leave in order to save my son mental anguish, more on that later if you really want to know.) She does everything in her power to try to keep me from seeing my son.
I went though 2 rebound relationships before I gave up.
The first was perfect accept for one thing. She had only one desire. Sex. That was it. You might think 'wow you got lucky' but sex is not my #1 priority in a relationship. It is important yes, but it does not come first. She was a dancer at her college and about as hot as a girl can look, but she was only interested in sex. I am not that kind of guy. I like sex as much as the next guy, but I know what is really important and sex is not it.
The second was perfect accept Her number 1 priority was money. I did'nt have enough of it. So she stomped on my heart when I set it before her.
My personal view on relationships is rather jaded because of this. I have spent the last 8 years doing my best to avoid the posibility of getting into a relationship. I am flirty on the internet because I know nothing can come of it, and I am always one button away from 'ejection'. I do believe that I can find a good girl. I believe in love at first sight, true love, and that there are more than one woman out there that can fulfill all of the above.
Yet I do everything I can to stay away from them. Why?
I fear.
I fear it will happen again. The most perfect woman CAN do exactly what has happened to me before. I don't think I can take that again. I still love my evil ex wife. I would never have married her if I was not 100% dedicated to her. I have sine our divorce come to understand that she has a mental illness that makes her do the things she does/did. Because of that I can not hate her. That just makes it all worse.
If you saw the winning lottery ticket on the other side of a window and there were many holes through which you could reach and and take that ticket would you try?
If the first time you did it you found it was the wrong hole and a ferret bit off your pinky finger would you try again using a diferent hole?
I tried 3 times. I do not have many fingers left. I am afraid to reach in again.
Is there any hope for me?
