There is one man too powerful for even Chuck Norris to confront. And that man is Jack Bauer.
We feel it is high time that everyone learned a bit more about the man entrusted to safeguard our national security:
1. When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down.
2. Jack Bauer can squeeze through spaces that would make a spider claustrophobic.
3. Tired of the incessant whining and complaining, Jack Bauer found the dogs and let them right back in.
4. Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.
5. After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. and my back is killing me."
6. Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.
7. Concerned that his dog would break under interrogation, Jack Bauer snapped his neck and turned him into the bag which he still carries to this day.
8. Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
9. Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth.
10. The only thing elephants used to fear was mice. Until they hurt one of Jack Bauer's friends.
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